Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

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It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

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The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

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It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

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I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

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How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

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I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

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I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.