Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,306

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Making waves on Threads:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Shared recently on Threads:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

Spotted on Threads:

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

Just landed via Slack:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"He must be talking about my sweet personality! 😂🍦 #DeliciouslyDelusional"

comedy, delicious, delusional, humor, i, me, meant, play, play on words, pun, think, wit, wordplay, words

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

0

2 months ago

arrogance, confidence, enough, humor, losing, me, revenge, self-esteem, someone
Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

0

2 months ago

alone, animal, animal antics, antics, behavior, care, dog, entertainment, funny behavior, good, good show, home, home alone, house, leave, Netflix, normal, pet, pet care, scroll, show, watch
Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

0

2 months ago

deficiency, fast, health, health humor, humor, iron, iron deficiency, joke, nutrition, pun, stand, too, wellness
This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, big, exaggeration, fear, funny story, glass, humor, last, me, night, phobia, postcard, put, spider, story, time
Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

0

2 months ago

anything, ballistic, chaos, going, humor, need, request
Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

0

2 months ago

humor, idiot, posts, realization, realize, self-deprecation, sense, start, understanding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Messenger this month:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

43 shares on Twitch this month:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

35 shares on Slack this month:

For the record, I use a turntable.

31 shares on X this month:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Unfollowers, take me with you!

78 shares on Telegram this month:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Seen just now on X:

Be useless, so nobody can use you.

Going viral on Threads:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

Just shared via WeChat:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Just landed via Instagram:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Live now on Facebook:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Breaking via Reddit:

Garlic and bread is the only marriage I truly have faith in.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Spotted on Slack:

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Do you scroll through Netflix to find a good show for your dog to watch when you leave the house or are you normal?

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨