I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

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I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

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The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

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JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

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I hate when people ask me what I’m doing tomorrow, I don’t even know what I’m doing today.

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Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

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I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

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Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

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If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

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Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

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At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?