Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who needs a scale when your grudges are doing all the heavy lifting? 💪🏼😅 Remember, emotional baggage weighs more than any dumb old scale can measure! 🛍️"

balance, grudge, holding, humor, i, irony, know, myself, psychology, scale, self-image, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

0

2 months ago

body, body cast, cast, full, going, humor, i, looks, motherhood, parenting, relaxation, relaxing, sarcasm, show, someone, TV, TV Show, watching, wondering
The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

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2 months ago

bed, book, books, chocolate, comfort, empty, humor, liar, night, relationship, side, sleep, snore
I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

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2 months ago

am, comparison, friendly, humor, i, mood, personality, temporary, weather, wit
“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

0

1 month ago

anxiety, hobby, humor, panicking, stress
A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

0

2 months ago

cultural, dialect, every, humor, people, regional, sarcasm, southern, Southern humor, time, type, y’all
Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

0

2 months ago

ask, asked, backfire, boss, communication, drunk, humor, i, should, wait, workplace, workplace humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Threads this month:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

80 shares on Reddit this month:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

39 shares on Threads this month:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

12 shares on X this month:

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

73 shares on X this month:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Me to HR: Okay, but you have to admit that was funny.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Making waves on Pinterest:

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

Going viral on Twitch:

Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2300 words.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

At least life has music.

Spotted on YouTube:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Just shared via Twitch:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Trending via Reddit:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

“Do you have any hobbies?” Lately, I’ve been really into panicking.

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨