I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

97 shares on TikTok this month:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

27 shares on Telegram this month:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

16 shares on Facebook this month:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Unless it’s manic, I don’t want to hear about your Monday.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.