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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Twitter is like a mental hospital where everyone thinks they are the only sane person and everyone else is crazy.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

In my culture, family is completely unimportant. And we hate food.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,539

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Spreading quickly via X:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Why, as a hair, would you even wanna be ingrown. Like why are you doing that?

Broadcasted on Threads:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Spotted on TikTok:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Live now on Twitch:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Is there an app for inner peace that doesn’t need constant updates? 😂📵🧘‍♂️"

breath, detox, digital, digital detox, every, health, i, just, media, mental, mental health, mind, notification, notification overload, overload, peace, peace of mind, privacy, social, social media, someone, time, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

0

2 months ago

call, creativity, excuse, honesty, humor, i, procrastination, simple, used, work
If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

0

2 months ago

answer, dating, humor, millionaire, money, people, relationships, sarcasm, single, someone
How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

0

2 months ago

aid, alphabet, alphabet song, am, childhood, childhood habit, choice, choices, count, counting, decision, decision making, finger, finger counting, fingers, habit, i, learning, learning method, letter, life, life choice, making, memory, memory aid, method, next, sing, song, still, whole
If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

0

2 months ago

chewing, divorce, hear, humor, i, marriage, moved, sound, states, still, wife
Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

0

2 months ago

before, humor, i, me, myself, relationship, self-improvement, unhinged, work
At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

0

2 months ago

activity, board, choice, choices, dart, dart board, decision, decision making, fun, fun activity, humor, life, life choice, liquor, making, point, randomness

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

“How is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

57 shares on Twitch this month:

If you’re worried that you added too much cheese to the recipe, I am here to reassure you that you did not.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Shout out to all you people out there who get asked if you’re okay a lot even though that’s the only facial expression you have.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sorry for being so cringey and awkward. It will definitely happen again.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Seen just now on Instagram:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

HR has told me to stop saying ‘How stupid can you be?’ to members of staff. They’re worried it’s being taken as a challenge.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Going bananas on WeChat:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Seen just now on Slack:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Before I work on myself, does anyone like me unhinged?

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨