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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Whoever first said, “It gets to a point,” was definitely at that point, and I feel them deeply.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,668

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Just shared via Slack:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Seen just now on Discord:

We interrupt coverage of one horrible story for breaking news of another horrible story.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Just landed via TikTok:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Just landed via Twitch:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Going viral on Snapchat:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Just landed via Slack:

My one cat vomited her dinner and then the other cat went in and started eating it. And that, my friends, is what ChatGPT is to me.

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.
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Commentary:
I feel personally attacked by this new definition of "sleeping in" 😂😴🌞

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m only dead on the outside.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you.

42 shares on Slack this month:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

37 shares on Slack this month:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

38 shares on Slack this month:

My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.

73 shares on Slack this month:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia, you risk getting stoned.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,672

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Oh, sorry, I can’t right now. I’m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

You should never forget where you came from. That’s probably where your keys are.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. I don’t even know what it means, but I’ve had enough.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Just shared via Telegram:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

Making waves on Slack:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Going viral on Reddit:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’ve had enough. I’m ready to spend an eternity in the arms of my lover.

Just landed via Slack:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Live now on Telegram:

I can’t wait for my mom to come to my new house so she can tell me how I organized the kitchen wrong.

Spotted on Facebook:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

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