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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,618

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Shared recently on X:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Just landed via WeChat:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Spotted on Telegram:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

Live now on X:

Love triangle? You mean this Dorito?

Trending via Threads:

Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Playful text expressing surprise at a tiny cat occupying a large mattress.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your cat discovered the magic art of feline sprawl! 🐱🛏️😹

bed, bed hogging, cat, hell, hogging, humor, i, love, mattress, much, pet, queen-size, queen-size mattress, size, sleep, small, small size, take

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Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Reddit this month:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Worst part about job hunting is knowing you don’t want one.

24 shares on X this month:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Now hush, Lil Labubu, don’t you cry, everything’s gonna be Dubai.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Meteorologist: It’s going to get even hotter. Me, on fire: WHAT?

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

27 shares on Slack this month:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

86 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t go chasing waterfalls? The place where many video games hide easter eggs and other rare items?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

If you are lonely, dim all the lights and put on a horror movie. You won’t feel like you are lonely any more.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Cats clean themselves with their little fish breath mouths, but somehow they always smell like laundry detergent, vanilla, and happiness.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Trending via Reddit:

Accept the truth that a clean kitchen and finished laundry are just myths. Embrace the chaos and find your inner calm.

Trending via TikTok:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Trending via YouTube:

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

Trending via Snapchat:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

Making waves on Telegram:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Making waves on Facebook:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Seen just now on X:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Going bananas on Threads:

Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

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Activity Log ✨

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Keep the laugh going 😂

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

If you call me from a private number, I’ll respect your privacy and won’t answer.

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨