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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I don’t think before I speak, so l am just a shocked as you are.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

4,079

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Just shared via Instagram:

I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

Live now on X:

I’m at the “buy bigger jeans” part of my Eat. Pray. Love. journey.

Shared recently on Twitch:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

Just landed via Reddit:

The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.

Live now on Snapchat:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Making waves on X:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Shared recently on Threads:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your cat discovered the magic art of feline sprawl! 🐱🛏️😹

bed, bed hogging, cat, hell, hogging, humor, i, love, mattress, much, pet, queen-size, queen-size mattress, size, sleep, small, small size, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

0

2 months ago

actually, humor, i, lyrics, opinion, sense, think, version
I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

0

2 months ago

automotive, car, cutting, driving, hell, humor, i, let, love, me, merge, merging, over, rage, road, road rage, sarcasm, sure, Tesla
I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

0

2 months ago

anyone, back, bathing, casual, humor, joke, laziness, sarcasm, self-deprecating, shower, tired, tiredness, too, want, wash
Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

0

2 months ago

conversation, coworker, coworkers, crazy, day, end, end of day, every, going, home, humor, office, reaction, talk, time, work
Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

0

2 months ago

couple, daily, daily life, day, every, exactly, excuse, expectation, humor, i, late, life, past, routine, sorry, traffic
The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

0

2 months ago

before, chores, date, humor, parenting, play, play date, pointless, tidy-up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Telegram this month:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

68 shares on Threads this month:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

84 shares on YouTube this month:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Why sleep when you can stay up all night overthinking?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Born to say “Who the hell raised you to be this stupid.” Forced to work in groups.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Just landed via Discord:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Trending via Telegram:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Going viral on Threads:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Just landed via X:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Just shared via Instagram:

They are mad because you took that knife out of your back and used it to cut ties.

Making waves on Discord:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Just landed via Messenger:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Going viral on TikTok:

I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I actually think my version of the lyrics makes more sense.

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

The pointless tidy-up before a play date.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨