I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

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I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

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People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

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Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

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Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.