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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Why is adulthood just bills and wondering what to eat?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

January is the Monday of the year.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,738

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Single by choice. Just not my choice.

Just shared via Telegram:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

Shared recently on Discord:

I like to be alone a lot; it’s nothing personal.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Breaking via Slack:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Spotted on Telegram:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Going viral on TikTok:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Live now on WhatsApp:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

3 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote highlighting workplace drama with humorous Oscar-worthy acting vibes.

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Commentary:
"When's the award ceremony? I've already prepared my acceptance speech! 🎭😂 #OfficeOscars"

acting, coworkers, deserve, everything, fake, fine, humor, i, office, Oscar, pretending, sarcasm, stress, think, work, workplace

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48 shares on Slack this month:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

92 shares on X this month:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

61 shares on Discord this month:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Asked a German woman why Germany produced so many legendary physicists / mathematicians, and her response was basically, “Have you considered educating people who aren’t rich?”

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

51 shares on Slack this month:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

99 shares on X this month:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

78 shares on Slack this month:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

White guys have a slur for other white guys they don’t respect, it’s called ‘buddy.’

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

One thing I expect that we will learn from the vibe coding era is that most ‘idea guys’ don’t actually have very good ideas.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

When the weather gets warmer, I will become unstoppable. As long as it doesn’t get too warm, then I will be stoppable.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Spotted on TikTok:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Just landed via Messenger:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

Going viral on X:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Making waves on Messenger:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

Trending via Discord:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t know much, but I do know melancholia is a way cooler diagnosis than depression.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

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Activity Log ✨

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Keep the laugh going 😂

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

Social Media Stars ⭐

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