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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Hey bro, please stop using all the good skipping rocks at the river.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

How many of you also constantly take screenshots of something and then never look at them again?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,415

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Making waves on TikTok:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Just landed via Discord:

Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

Seen just now on Threads:

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Not leaving the house and not having contact with other people. The punishments of my childhood are now my hobbies.

Trending via Discord:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Spotted on X:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

Spotted on X:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Going bananas on Slack:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about social interactions and judgment, with a humorous and bold tone.

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Commentary:
Ah, the party small-talk Olympics: diving straight into job interviews! 🥇😂👨‍💼🍸

asking, awkward, awkward conversation, conversation, humor, i, interaction, job, me, meet, party, personality, social, social interaction, start, topic, work, work topic

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Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Slack this month:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

68 shares on Slack this month:

I’m really getting tired of being a responsible adult.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

34 shares on Threads this month:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

People who listen to their sad playlist when they’re happy are a different breed of unstable.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Trending via Pinterest:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Trending via Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Spotted on Threads:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My Wi-Fi is stronger than my will to socialize.

Just shared via WeChat:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

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Activity Log ✨

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I meet you at a party and you instantly start asking about my job, you are subhuman to me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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