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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,566

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

Spotted on Instagram:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Making waves on Telegram:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Trending via Slack:

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

Just landed via Reddit:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

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If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.
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Commentary:
"Brace yourself! 😅 My PowerPoint game is stronger than your Wi-Fi connection! 📊🚀 #NerdAlert"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on WeChat this month:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

I belong to the generation that repaired the TV with a single blow to the casing.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

When I learned the word “literally,” that was the beginning of the end.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Worst part of being in my 20’s is to be reminded that I’m actually in my mid-40’s.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,280

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

A haunted house, but it’s just all apps and websites where you got logged out but can’t remember your password.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I assume my soulmate has sold his soul to the devil.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I got Botox, and I asked the doctor, “How many years younger will this make me look?” and he was like, “Zero. You’ll just look like the other girls your age who have also gotten Botox.”

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

Going viral on Facebook:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Just shared via Telegram:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Breaking via WeChat:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Going bananas on Discord:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Well, maybe grass should touch me for once. How about that?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Going viral on Instagram:

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

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