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There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

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Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

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Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

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The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

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Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

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Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

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My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

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Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

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If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

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I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.