Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
So glad I grew up knowing the greatest parenting hack: just shrink 'em! Guaranteed to keep you grounded… as long as you can find the kids! 🤏😄📏

80s, divorce, documentary, family, film, humor, i, kid, kids, literally, pretty, retro, saw, shrink, shrink-ray, sure, technology, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

0

2 months ago

anything, appointment, busy, day, day off, else, excuse, humor, i, later, management, person, procrastination, rest, time, time management
My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

0

2 months ago

communication, conflict, humor, i, insomnia, relationship, schedule, sleep, sleep schedule, speaking, terms, tiredness
Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

0

2 months ago

being, conversation, forced, hitchhiker, humor, interaction, picking, risk, small, small talk, social, social interaction, stranger, talk, travel, worth
Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

0

3 months ago

chance, dating, fairness, give, humor, i, irony, man, me, men, ugly, ugly man, ugly woman, unfortunately, woman
Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

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2 months ago

bed, day, humor, laziness, lifestyle, money, saving, staying, staying in
I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

0

2 months ago

blanket, call, couch, dream, friend, friends, human, human blanket, i, lifelong, lifelong dream, nap, napping, still

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on Slack this month:

Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

57 shares on X this month:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

22 shares on Slack this month:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

85 shares on Messenger this month:

They say dress for the job you want, so I walk around dressed like Darth Vader.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Imagine thinking you have any clue what’s going on.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I’m so tired. Let’s see all of the horrible things happening in the world today before I try to sleep peacefully.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Trending via Messenger:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next, you’re preheating the bathroom before you go in for a shower.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Just landed via WeChat:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Making waves on X:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

Just shared via Facebook:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

Making waves on Discord:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

Breaking via WeChat:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

Unfortunately, I don’t give ugly men a chance, because they wouldn’t give me one if I were the ugly one.

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨