I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I hope you catch the bouquet at my funeral.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Saw a big spider crawl into my closet last night. He’s probably in there trying on all my clothes, acting like he’s me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.