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Commentary:
"Who needs a marriage certificate when you've got divorce experience? It's all about that perfect balance of commitment and independence 😅💔 #RelationshipStatusExpert"

divorce, humor, i, marriage, married, me, never, people, pressure, relationship, self-perception, single, social, social pressure, something, tell, think, wrong

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77 shares on Discord this month:

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

55 shares on Pinterest this month:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to live in a galaxy far, far away.

63 shares on Slack this month:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Netflix & by yourself.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Donating blood today to make room for more food.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

Seen just now on X:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Just shared via WeChat:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Trending via Snapchat:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Live now on Pinterest:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Just landed via Slack:

I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.

Spotted on Pinterest:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

Breaking via YouTube:

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I don’t like people driving fast—that’s the reason why I overtake them.

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Activity Log ✨

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨