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Commentary:
"Who needs a marriage certificate when you've got divorce experience? It's all about that perfect balance of commitment and independence 😅💔 #RelationshipStatusExpert"

divorce, humor, i, marriage, married, me, never, people, pressure, relationship, self-perception, single, social, social pressure, something, tell, think, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In banana years, I am bread.

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2 months ago

absurdity, age, am, banana, bread, food, humor, i, year’s
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

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2 months ago

autocorrect, burn, frustration, hello, humor, invention, person, should, technology
I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

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2 months ago

actually, body, ever, friendship, help, hide, hope, humor, i, irony, need, people, vow
If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

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2 months ago

chewing, divorce, hear, humor, i, marriage, moved, sound, states, still, wife
Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

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2 months ago

amazing, clothing, comfort, decision, humor, life, life decision, night, onesy, pee, practicality, question, sleepwear, struggle
Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

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2 months ago

communication, good, humor, i, nonsense, pretty, saying, speaker, talking, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Discord this month:

Ever woken up, kissed the person sleeping next to you and felt glad to be alive? I just did, so I won’t be catching this train again.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Going bananas on Reddit:

To anybody who thinks being self-employed means you don’t have to work for a boss you hate, I have terrible news.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Trending via Facebook:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Changing your mind is an underrated activity.

Going viral on Slack:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Just landed via Twitch:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Going viral on YouTube:

I hate when I turn off my brights for an incoming vehicle and then realize it’s a Cybertruck.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

In banana years, I am bread.

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨