Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

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It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

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Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.