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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,927

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Live now on Facebook:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Trending via Discord:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Just landed via Telegram:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like his chest might need an eviction notice! 😂🏠🎙️

awkward, awkward moment, chest, girl, girls, humor, i, laid, last, laugh, laughing, me, moment, relationship, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

1 month ago
distraction, doing, doing well, email, humor, me, productivity, unexpected, well
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

1 month ago
calmness, communication, ever, house, humor, key, know, lock, locked, problem, problem-solving, solving, talk
Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

4 weeks ago
annoyance, bothering, call, customer, customer service, hang, hang up, hold, hold music, music, phone, phone call, purpose, quality, repetition, repetitive, service, sound, sound quality, stop
Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

2 months ago
anxiety, cancelling, cancelling plan, excited, excitement, free, free time, introvert, just, me, personal, personal time, plan, plans, self-care, social, social anxiety, time
Onion rings? I’m answering.

4 months ago
answer, answering, food, humor, joke, onion, onion ring, ring, rings
“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

1 month ago
always, brain, breasts, convertible, humor, mean, means, topless, wit, wordplay

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

As a kid, I used to watch The Wizard of Oz and wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got social media.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

Making waves on Twitch:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Going viral on YouTube:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Trending via Facebook:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

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Activity Log ✨

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Onion rings? I’m answering.

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

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Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Is it just me, or does anybody else get excited about cancelling plans?

Onion rings? I’m answering.

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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