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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

The problem with salad is, it’s salad.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Breaking via WeChat:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Trending via Facebook:

My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like his chest might need an eviction notice! 😂🏠🎙️

awkward, awkward moment, chest, girl, girls, humor, i, laid, last, laugh, laughing, me, moment, relationship, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

0

2 months ago

gift, humor, i, item, love, me, oh, reaction, surprise, unwrap
Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, bag, bread, break, break in, funny activity, house, humor, joke, prank, put, toast
There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

0

4 months ago

always, attitude, humor, interaction, invitation, miserable, miserable person, misery, negativity, people, person, social, social interaction
A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

0

2 months ago

butterfly, comparison, funny comparison, glasses, hair, humor, insect, joke, just, moth
There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

0

2 months ago

elected, elected official, election, governance, humor, least, lottery, normal, occasionally, official, only, pick, politics, random, well
Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal comparison, comparison, creature, dolphin, elf, fantasy, humor, mythical, mythical creature, orc, shark

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on X this month:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I hate checking my bank account after having a good time.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

This Monday could have been an email.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Making waves on Snapchat:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Trending via TikTok:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Live now on Threads:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Freshly posted on Threads:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Broadcasted on Discord:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

There’s only one way we’ll at least occasionally get normal elected officials and that’s if we pick them by random lottery.

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨