My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

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I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

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I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

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Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

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Not today, Satan, but next week works.

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You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

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My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

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So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.