Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's banking on their vocal talents to sleigh the retirement game! 🎤🎅 Who needs a 401(k) when you've got jingle bells and high notes to back you up? 🎶😄 #RockinAroundTheRetirementPlan"

career, career change, change, Christmas, Christmas song, funny idea, hit, hit song, i, idea, just, learn, music, need, plan, recording, retirement, retirement plan, sing, singing, song

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

0

2 months ago

celebrity, going, humor, joke, Kardashian, marriage, marry, new, new plan, okay, plan, relationship
There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, day, doing, doing nothing, enough, hours, humor, laziness, me, nothing, procrastination, time
If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

0

2 months ago

chewing, divorce, hear, humor, i, marriage, moved, sound, states, still, wife
Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

0

2 months ago

activity, climbing, describe, flat, hike, humor, just, mountain, outdoors, someone
The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, dead, death, humor, keep, keeping, only, people, secret, secret keeping, three, trust
I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

0

2 months ago

anything, going, hell, humor, joke, need, needs, sarcasm

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on X this month:

A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

40 shares on Discord this month:

I gotta ask, what part of ‘I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

31 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t believe we became the adults in the most unaffordable period in history.

49 shares on X this month:

Everybody has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and I’m over here like “I love food”.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

33 shares on Discord this month:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

55 shares on TikTok this month:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Just found out that rock bottom has a basement.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

Trending via YouTube:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Going viral on Discord:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Going viral on Slack:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Shared recently on Discord:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Shared recently on Threads:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

Just landed via WeChat:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨