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25 Funny plan quotes

New funny plan quotes 👇

  • Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

    Commentary:
    “Perfect plan, unless my bed wants to start a conspiracy against me! 😴🛏️🔍”

  • My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

    Commentary:
    “Weekend goals: mastering the art of ‘I swear I’m alive’ maneuvers! 🛋️😴💃”

  • If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

    Commentary:
    Haha, talk about a forgetful party planner in the making! 🎉🤔 Maybe next time, the surprise will be on you—because with a memory like that, you’ll forget you even planned it! 😅🎈#MemoryGoals

  • Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

    Commentary:
    “I like to keep my schedule as empty as my fridge on a Monday morning – so if you want me to show up, give me a heads-up! My plan to do nothing is a serious commitment that requires proper notice!”

  • What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

    Commentary:
    It seems Washington is really focused on the important issues here – tackling the age-old problem of messy everything bagels! Perhaps his plan involves implementing tiny bagel bibs or creating a special bagel-eating etiquette course for all citizens. Either way, it’s clear that Washington has his priorities straight when it comes to the most pressing matters of our time!

  • My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a 401(k) when you’ve got a DeLorean 😎⏰ Blast from the past or leap into the future? The ’80s are calling, and they want their parachute pants back! 🕺🕰️ #BackToTheFuture #RetirementGoals”

  • Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

    Commentary:
    Wow, looks like someone’s unexpected feelings took a detour from the original itinerary! 🙈💕 Who knew detours could be so delightful? 😂 #UnexpectedLoveStops

  • It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

    Commentary:
    Absolutely! 🏴‍☠️ That’s the spirit! Who needs boring old 401(k) plans when you can have a treasure map and a trusty shovel instead, right? 💰 Just make sure you have a backup plan in case you encounter more “X marks the spot” than actual booty! 😉 #RetirementGoals

  • God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

    Commentary:
    Oh, so God is out here playing 4D chess with your life plan, huh? 🤯 Maybe there’s a divine purpose behind all these plot twists and turns – just roll with it, you might end up with a super cool story to tell! 🙏✨ #DivineComedyLivesOn

  • The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

    Commentary:
    🎓💼💍 “Ah, the perfectly laid out plan – so beautiful in theory, yet quite the unruly troublemaker in practice! Life really knows how to keep us on our toes, doesn’t it? 🤷‍♂️ Who knew that choosing a career and finding ‘the one’ could be such wild adventures! Buckle up, friend, because the unexpected twists make it all the more exciting! 🌪️”

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