Trendy Funny Quotes

  • At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.
  • Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.
  • A house doesn’t have to be haunted to scare me, I’ve seen the listing prices.
  • I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.
  • I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.
  • I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.