Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah, the incredible superpower of selective hearing! 🙉💥 Who needs invisibility when you can tune out like a pro? 😄 Next stop, the superhero Hall of 'Conversations I Pretended to Follow'! 💬🚶‍♂️"

communication, distraction, eyes, hearing, humor, i, listening, not hearing, right, single, superpower, talking, word

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

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2 months ago

cameraman, film, horror, humor, irony, movy, never, observation, thing, zombie
Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

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2 months ago

ears, expectations, humor, husband, joke, marriage, me, nobody, separately, sold, told
My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

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2 months ago

alert, camera, check, curiosity, door, door camera, funny habit, habit, home, home security, just, me, outside, security, stepping, stepping outside, temperature, temperature check, warm, weather, weather curiosity
There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

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2 months ago

calorie, diet, disappointment, eating, expectation, food, good, humor, refund, taste
I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

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2 months ago

am, comfort, determination, even, fashion, hoodie, house, humor, i, leaving, strings
Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

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2 months ago

carrot, choking, donut, food, food preference, humor, irony, me, preference, snack

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Facebook this month:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

44 shares on Slack this month:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has shared:

I run every day for 30 minutes. If I miss a day, I add 30 minutes to the next day. This has truly been a game changer. Tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

Making waves on Instagram:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

Spotted on WeChat:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Going viral on Instagram:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Shared recently on X:

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Shared recently on Threads:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Just shared via YouTube:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨