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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Automatic doors that donโ€™t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ has downloaded:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฑ has bookmarked:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has shared:

โ€œWhatโ€™s something youโ€™d tell your younger self?โ€ You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฎ has shared:

If I met someone like me, Iโ€™d be really concerned for them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

As long as you donโ€™t ever give them your real name, they canโ€™t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

I lied, thereโ€™s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

847 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,009

Funny Quotes Topics

13,946

Funny Quotes Images

11,009

Updated

9 minutes ago

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Breaking via Discord:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Live now on Snapchat:

Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

Making waves on Threads:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Reported on Slack:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Trending via Reddit:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Going viral on Messenger:

On one hand, itโ€™s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, itโ€™s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Spotted on X:

Iโ€™m just here to make you wish I wasnโ€™t.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Reported on Threads:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.

My therapist says he can’t take any more of my talk and that I should join a group. So, here I am.
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Commentary:
"Well, looks like this therapist decided to hand you over like a hot potato ๐Ÿฅ”๐ŸŒถ๏ธ But hey, don't worry, group therapy can be like a stand-up comedy show with a touch of emotional support ๐Ÿค๐ŸŽค๐Ÿคฃ So get ready to share the spotlight and spread some laughs… or tears ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜ญ #GroupTherapyJourney"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

847 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,009

Funny Quotes Topics

13,946

Funny Quotes Images

11,009

Updated

9 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ has copied:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

Being awake is the worst.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has bookmarked:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on Threads:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

What is Washingtonโ€™s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Shared recently on Slack:

I love surprising my girl, today she woke up single.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Itโ€™s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Just landed via Telegram:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

Going viral on YouTube:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Breaking via Pinterest:

If I was ever told to โ€œdress to impressโ€, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Going viral on Instagram:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? Youโ€™re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

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