People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Do you guys remember when we had to share one desktop computer wіth the whole famіly?

31 shares on Instagram this month:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Oftentimes, I like the idea of an activity. The actual doing of said activity, not so much.

92 shares on Slack this month:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

This book ain’t got no pictures.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!