People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

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have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

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Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.

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Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

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I need to start hiding my money from myself.

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Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

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The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

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I haven’t tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor, so I’m sure I wouldn’t like Yoga.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.