Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

If we were both crows, I’d bring you shiny things.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Selling porn is gross, but selling food and small household items is grocer.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,322

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Going viral on Telegram:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

Spreading quickly via X:

BREAKING: OpenAI to partner with OpenAI to help fund OpenAI. OpenAI up 90%.

Going viral on Reddit:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Seen just now on Threads:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Spotted on Threads:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Just shared via YouTube:

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the vicious cycle of trying to balance school brain and chill brain! 🎓🤯🔄🙃

balance, before, care, cycle, education, good, health, humor, idea, life, mental, mental cycle, mental health, putting, self, self-care, stress, student, student life

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

0

2 months ago

behavior, breakfast, humor, hunger, i, know, mood, morning
If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

0

2 months ago

comparison, confidence, cooler, hotter, humor, me, means, self-esteem, witty
My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

0

2 months ago

early, exercising, fitness, going, humor, husband, looking, need, new, new husband, relationship, shape, start, tomorrow, wake, waking, waking up
Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

0

2 months ago

avoid, awkward, awkward situation, event, ever, ghost, ghosting, interaction, past, situation, social, social interaction
I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

0

5 months ago

bad, bad weather, humor, i, nature, offended, rain, weather
My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

0

2 months ago

activity, entertainment, fun, i, idea, leisure, multitasking, phone, something, TV, watching, Wikipedia

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on YouTube this month:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

I never judge a book by its cover. People, though, I can tell are evil by their stupid faces.

16 shares on X this month:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

31 shares on WeChat this month:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

If you ever find yourself as a houseguest for an extended period of time, here is the golden rule for success: invisible by day, charming by night.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

It’s almost time to pack away the black summer clothes and unpack the black winter clothes.

Spotted on Twitch:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Going bananas on WeChat:

Called in, “Hey, macarena!” this morning.

Breaking via TikTok:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Seen just now on Slack:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Spotted on WeChat:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Going viral on Telegram:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

Trending via Instagram:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I know breakfastless behavior when I see it.

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨