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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

“You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

Going viral on Slack:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Spotted on Discord:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Trending via Facebook:

Social media is mental suicide.

Breaking via X:

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

Shared recently on Twitch:

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Going viral on Snapchat:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Live now on Snapchat:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
When life gives you people, make sure there's an escape plan 🍋🚪😂

anyone, humor, interaction, let, life, people, relationship, remind, sarcasm, social, social interaction, trust, warning, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

0

2 months ago

deadline, die, finish, humor, i, life, motivation, never, procrastination, specific, task
50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

0

2 months ago

50, daily, daily life, decision, exercise, family, humor, just, life, noise, parenting, stairs, trying, walking, worth
Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

0

2 months ago

addictive, broccoli, comparison, craving, food, health, humor, just, me, need, nutrition, sugar
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

0

2 months ago

fascination, humor, irony, leisure, me, observation, procrastination, productivity, work
“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

0

2 months ago

buddy, confidence, even, got, humor, i, irony, milk, sarcasm, self-deprecation, self-esteem
Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

0

2 months ago

context, fall, friendship, gravity, humor, unfriend, watch, watching

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

24 shares on Threads this month:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

93 shares on Twitch this month:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

93 shares on Reddit this month:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

42 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I don’t know which aunty needs to hear this, but focus on your own child.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Laying in bed with the nervous system of someone going to war.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

“Those tattoos will make it harder to get a job!” Okay, well so will my personality.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Live now on Discord:

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Just shared via Messenger:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

Spotted on Facebook:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Shared recently on X:

Aliens will always remain unidentified because they’re embarrassed to be associated with us humans.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

It-is-what-it-is-ing my way through the collapse of civilization.

Live now on X:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

Why is sugar SO addictive, and broccoli is just like, “I’ll be here when you need me”

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

“Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨