Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

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I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

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Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

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Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

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I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

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In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

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I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

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Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

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Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

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I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

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When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.