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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Pizza crusts go uneaten, but people will devour an entire pan of breadsticks.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Naming my first daughter Piggleigh Wiggleigh.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

341 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,934

Funny Quotes Topics

17,104

Funny Quotes Images

14,934

Updated

Dec 14, 2025

Users Online

3,667

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Going bananas on Facebook:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Going viral on Instagram:

Some people get it. Most people don’t.

Just shared via YouTube:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Live now on Discord:

Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.

Just shared via Reddit:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Who knew sick days could be the secret to job security? 😜💼🌴

advice, care, day, day off, days, humor, job, jobs, self, self-care, take, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

1 month ago

afternoon, anything, humor, maybe, morning, motivation, optimism, possibility, procrastination, reality, time, tomorrow
Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

1 month ago

family, home, house, humor, parents, password, technology, welcome, where, wifi
I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

1 month ago

bees, comedy, fear, girl, humor, i, irrational, movy, My Girl, rational, saw
My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

1 month ago

apnea, diagnosis, health, humor, irony, meeting, sleep, sleep apnea, staff, staff meeting, workplace
Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

1 month ago

clothes, exercise, hack, humor, life, life hack, piano, run, solution, space, storage, storage solution, treadmill
When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

4 months ago

documentary, door, doors, going, humor, lock, locked, locked door, mystery, night, oh, old, old person, person, small, small town, start, storytelling, town

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Shared recently on X:

Growing up, I always knew I was gonna be the distant family member.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Going viral on Instagram:

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Shared recently on Discord:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

Making waves on Telegram:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

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Activity Log ✨

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Nosferatu 2024, Frankenstein 2025, and Werwulf 2026. I was born at exactly the right time.

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Saving on divorce lawyers by staying single.

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

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Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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