Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Just landed via Instagram:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Trending via YouTube:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

69. Some might call it nasty. I call it a romantic dinner for 2.

Shared recently on Instagram:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Just landed via Snapchat:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Just shared via Facebook:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Making waves on TikTok:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

2 months ago

0

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elegance in a gracefully executed 'don't mind me, I'm just blending into the background' move 🕶️🚶‍♂️ As I age, I too have come to treasure those who are skilled in the art of 'the selective vision' 👀🤷‍♂️ Who knew invisibility could be so delightful? 😄👵 #MasterOfDisguise"

age, appreciate, appreciation, awkwardness, humor, i, interaction, me, notice, observation, older, people, pretend, public, social, social interaction, visibility

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

0

2 months ago

always, away, call, calls, couple, ever, just, me, message, missed, need, text, text message
Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

0

2 months ago

always, breakup, comedy, emotional, houston, humor, i, independence, just, love, loved, mean, point, relationships, sarcasm, whitney, Whitney Houston
I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

0

2 months ago

awakening, day, explain, food, humor, i, just, preference, quirky, randomness, surprise, taste, unexpected, wake, works
When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

0

2 months ago

ask, attitude, back, frustration, give, humor, lemons, life, perspective, questions
I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

0

4 months ago

3, afternoon, cook, day, dinner, grandma, humor, i, old fashioned, relaxation, rest, sit, used, why
Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

0

2 months ago

child, harmonica, humor, instructions, instrument, joke, kid, missing, misunderstanding, musical, musical instrument, parenting, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on WeChat this month:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster… so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

66 shares on WeChat this month:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

64 shares on Threads this month:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

37 shares on Threads this month:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

34 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

79 shares on Threads this month:

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,595

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Is it healthier to drink tap water and let the fluoride calcify my pineal gland or drink bottled spring water and let micro plastics settle in my balls?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Checking Twitter now is like staring into your refrigerator to see if anything good has magically appeared.

Just landed via Discord:

The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

Spotted on X:

The theory that two stacked beds can’t be converted into two regular beds has been debunked.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Spotted on Messenger:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Live now on Twitch:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

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