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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Nothing prepared me for how much of my adult life would be spent hiding from people I know at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,550

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Shared recently on Slack:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Just shared via TikTok:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Making waves on Pinterest:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Seen just now on Slack:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Making waves on Telegram:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Shared recently on TikTok:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Just landed via YouTube:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Just shared via Pinterest:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

2 months ago

0

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elegance in a gracefully executed 'don't mind me, I'm just blending into the background' move 🕶️🚶‍♂️ As I age, I too have come to treasure those who are skilled in the art of 'the selective vision' 👀🤷‍♂️ Who knew invisibility could be so delightful? 😄👵 #MasterOfDisguise"

age, appreciate, appreciation, awkwardness, humor, i, interaction, me, notice, observation, older, people, pretend, public, social, social interaction, visibility

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

0

2 weeks ago

clock, difference, gender, gender difference, humor, independence, man, men, money, relationship, woman, women
Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

0

2 months ago

ahead, beans, brewing, cafe, caffeine, calling, coffee, daystarter, humor, joke, morning, routine
I was so locked in, to the point where we were tongue-kissing with morning breath.

0

2 months ago

breath, humor, i, intimacy, locked, morning, morning breath, point, romantic, tongue-kissing, where
Garlic bread is my therapist now.

0

2 months ago

bread, comfort, comfort food, food, garlic, garlic bread, humor, therapist
Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

0

2 months ago

bottom, ever, heart, honesty, humor, i, insulting, irony, mean, should, sincerity
Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, beef, existence, food, ground, humor, imagination, joke, sky, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on WeChat this month:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

33 shares on YouTube this month:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

43 shares on TikTok this month:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,327

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

My favorite animal is me when my feelings are hurt.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Just shared via WeChat:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Spotted on Reddit:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I hope you can hear me thinking about you.

Just landed via Discord:

Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Spotted on X:

Imagine being social on social media.

Going bananas on Slack:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Live now on Instagram:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

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