45 funny pretend quotes - Wordgag

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

May 30, 2026

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

May 30, 2026

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

May 30, 2026

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

May 30, 2026

Life is way too short to pretend you’re not into some freaky stuff.

May 29, 2026

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

May 29, 2026

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

May 29, 2026

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

May 29, 2026

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

May 29, 2026

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

May 29, 2026

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

May 29, 2026

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

May 28, 2026

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

May 28, 2026

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

May 28, 2026

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

May 28, 2026

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

May 27, 2026

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

May 27, 2026

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

May 26, 2026

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

May 26, 2026

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

May 26, 2026

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

May 26, 2026

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

May 26, 2026

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

May 25, 2026

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

May 25, 2026

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

May 25, 2026

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

May 25, 2026

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

May 25, 2026

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

May 25, 2026

I like how “energy bars” are really just candy bars, and we all pretend to not notice.

May 25, 2026

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

May 24, 2026

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

May 23, 2026

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

May 22, 2026

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

May 22, 2026

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

May 22, 2026

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

May 21, 2026

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

May 21, 2026

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

May 21, 2026

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

May 21, 2026

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

May 20, 2026

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

May 20, 2026