45 funny pretend quotes - Wordgag

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

May 23, 2026

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

May 22, 2026

I’m sorry I pretended I was dead when I saw you in public.

May 22, 2026

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

May 22, 2026

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

May 21, 2026

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

May 21, 2026

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

May 21, 2026

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

May 21, 2026

That awkward moment when you have to pretend that you like the gift.

May 20, 2026

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

May 20, 2026

When I’m at a party, I pretend to be Pac-Man. I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

May 20, 2026

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

May 20, 2026

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

May 20, 2026

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

May 19, 2026

Sometimes I’ll drink a ginger ale and eat a Biscoff cookie and sit up in kind of an unnatural position and pretend I’m on a Delta flight.

May 19, 2026

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

May 19, 2026

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

May 19, 2026

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

May 18, 2026

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

May 18, 2026

Life is way too short to pretend you’re not into some freaky stuff.

May 6, 2026

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

May 6, 2026

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Apr 1, 2026

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

Apr 1, 2026

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Apr 1, 2026

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Apr 1, 2026

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Apr 1, 2026

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

Mar 31, 2026

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Mar 31, 2026

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Mar 31, 2026

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Mar 31, 2026

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Mar 30, 2026

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Mar 30, 2026

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Mar 29, 2026

It’s kinda weird that in order to go to sleep you have to pretend like you are already sleeping.

Mar 29, 2026

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Mar 29, 2026

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Mar 29, 2026

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Mar 29, 2026

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Mar 28, 2026

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Mar 28, 2026

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Mar 28, 2026