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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

It’s with a heavy heart and a deep sadness that I have to announce that I’m at work.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,467

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Breaking via Reddit:

I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read.

Trending via Twitch:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Seen just now on Slack:

Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

Going viral on YouTube:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

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There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, mashed potatoes, the divas of the dining world! Always making a grand entrance in either a dainty spoonful or a mountainous heap 🥄🥔 Just when you think you've found the perfect portion size, they go and play mind games with your taste buds! It's a tale as old as time: the struggle between elegance and gluttony, all on one plate of spuds. Bon appétit!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Telegram this month:

If you’re the type of person who likes to be left alone, I’m with you. Better yet, I’m not with you.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

47 shares on Discord this month:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

97 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not shy. I just don’t like you.

68 shares on TikTok this month:

I told ChatGPT about us.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I was dropped as an adult.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If pigeons and chickens made a tribe, would they be called the coo clucks clan?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,648

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I miss when we didn’t know what celebrities thought about anything.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I only see psychics so that I can keep arguing with dead relatives.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s. Your ability to be sneaky will now be hindered by your bones cracking when you walk.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Y’all be riding them bikes in the street like I don’t gotta look up my next song.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

Going viral on Pinterest:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Going viral on Slack:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Trending via Telegram:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Going viral on Facebook:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Live now on Pinterest:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

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