31 funny dining quotes - Wordgag

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

May 21, 2026

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

May 21, 2026

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

May 21, 2026

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

May 20, 2026

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

May 20, 2026

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

May 19, 2026

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

May 19, 2026

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

May 19, 2026

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

May 18, 2026

If I open a restaurant, there won’t be a menu. You will get what you deserve.

May 18, 2026

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Mar 30, 2026

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Mar 30, 2026

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Mar 30, 2026

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Mar 30, 2026

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Mar 30, 2026

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Mar 29, 2026

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Mar 29, 2026

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Mar 28, 2026

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Mar 28, 2026

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Mar 27, 2026

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Mar 27, 2026

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

Mar 26, 2026

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Mar 26, 2026

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Mar 26, 2026

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Mar 26, 2026

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Mar 26, 2026

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Mar 25, 2026

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Mar 25, 2026

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Mar 25, 2026

Breakups are hard, but have you ever been disappointed in the food you ordered?

Mar 25, 2026

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Mar 25, 2026