55 funny restaurant quotes - Wordgag

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

May 25, 2026

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

May 25, 2026

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

May 25, 2026

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

May 24, 2026

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

May 24, 2026

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

May 24, 2026

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

May 24, 2026

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

May 23, 2026

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

May 23, 2026

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

May 23, 2026

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

May 23, 2026

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

May 23, 2026

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

May 23, 2026

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

May 22, 2026

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

May 22, 2026

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

May 22, 2026

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

May 22, 2026

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

May 22, 2026

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

May 22, 2026

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

May 22, 2026

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

May 22, 2026

The rainforest cafe won’t be authentic enough for me if they don’t bulldoze 40% of the restaurant while I’m there.

May 21, 2026

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

May 21, 2026

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

May 21, 2026

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

May 21, 2026

Saving up ketchup packets in the fridge so I can one day open my own restaurant.

May 21, 2026

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

May 20, 2026

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

May 20, 2026

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

May 20, 2026

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

May 19, 2026

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

May 19, 2026

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

May 19, 2026

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

May 19, 2026

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

May 19, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

May 19, 2026

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

May 19, 2026

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

May 18, 2026

If I open a restaurant, there won’t be a menu. You will get what you deserve.

May 18, 2026

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

Apr 1, 2026

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

Apr 1, 2026