55 funny restaurant quotes - Wordgag

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

May 30, 2026

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

May 30, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

May 30, 2026

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

May 30, 2026

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

May 30, 2026

If I open a restaurant, there won’t be a menu. You will get what you deserve.

May 29, 2026

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

May 29, 2026

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

May 29, 2026

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

May 29, 2026

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

May 28, 2026

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

May 28, 2026

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

May 28, 2026

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

May 27, 2026

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

May 27, 2026

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

May 27, 2026

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

May 27, 2026

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

May 27, 2026

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

May 27, 2026

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

May 26, 2026

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

May 26, 2026

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

May 25, 2026

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

May 25, 2026

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

May 25, 2026

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

May 25, 2026

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

May 25, 2026

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

May 25, 2026

You can recognize working-class kids by the fact that they hang their jacket over the chair in the restaurant and not on the coat hook.

May 24, 2026

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

May 24, 2026

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

May 24, 2026

When I worked as a restaurant critic, I wrote under a nom nom nom de plume.

May 24, 2026

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

May 23, 2026

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

May 23, 2026

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

May 23, 2026

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

May 23, 2026

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

May 23, 2026

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

May 23, 2026

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

May 22, 2026

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

May 22, 2026

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

May 22, 2026

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

May 22, 2026