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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,580

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Making waves on X:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

Breaking via Pinterest:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Just landed via YouTube:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Broadcasted on Threads:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Why split a mansion? My five friends and ten dogs already own the deed to my heart! 🏰🐾😂

arrangement, best, dog, dogs, family, five, friend, friends, humor, lifestyle, literally, living, living arrangement, mansion, marriage, married, normalize, rule, start, ten

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult life, adulthood, aging, always, back, back pain, being, everyday, everyday struggles, fatigue, humor, hurt, injury, just, life, pain, struggles, tired, wondering
89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

0

2 months ago

ago, communication, daily, daily life, five, great, humor, husband, i, leave, life, marriage, me, means, minutes, relationship, sarcasm, time, timing, wife
Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, ceiling, daily, daily life, floor, household, humor, kids, life, me, mirror, parenting, sink, toothpaste, towel, towels, walls
Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

0

2 months ago

advice, advisor, budgeting, cost, enough, finance, financial, financial advisor, hiring, humor, i, money, paying, personal, personal finance, piece
To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

0

4 months ago

act, courage, defiance, gentle, kindness, rebellion, world
There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

0

2 months ago

avoid, avoidance, humor, people, politics, types

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

Stop blaming others for your mistakes. Study Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Haunted house idea: a poorly lit Walmart littered with people you haven’t seen since high school.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I poked your tweet with a stick, hoping it would do something.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Bob Ross could paint a forest in 10 minutes. I’ve been ‘working on myself’ for years, and I’m still unfinished.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Broadcasted on Discord:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Just shared via Facebook:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Trending via Threads:

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Trending via Discord:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Live now on Facebook:

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Life is too short, and death is too long.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Hired a financial advisor, and his first piece of advice was that I don’t make nearly enough money to justify paying a financial advisor.

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨