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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I gotta ask, what part of ‘I don’t eat sugar’ don’t I understand?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,475

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Making waves on Messenger:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Seen just now on Slack:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Spotted on TikTok:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Making waves on Telegram:

There aren’t enough rap songs about cutting coupons.

Just landed via Facebook:

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

Just landed via Snapchat:

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Going viral on Slack:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Going viral on TikTok:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Going viral on Twitch:

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

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What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.
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Commentary:
Can you imagine the stunned look on your face if your dog suddenly drops this bombshell on you? 🐶😯 Just imagine the endless possibilities and conspiracy theories that would follow such a declaration! 🤔🐾 And to top it off, the dog's vow of silence afterward would only add to the mystery and hilarity of the situation! 🤫😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

49 shares on Discord this month:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

37 shares on Discord this month:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

64 shares on TikTok this month:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

92 shares on Telegram this month:

What if the universe wasn’t infinite or finite, but a secret third thing?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I need to consult the woods about this.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,692

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

They should invent a second airport for people who have been in public before.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I’m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Anime characters are always like “But you didn’t know about my eye,” and then they activate their mode.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on social media every day.

Just shared via Telegram:

Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

Trending via Pinterest:

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Making waves on Discord:

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Trending via Threads:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

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