Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Live now on Pinterest:

I’m not gaining weight, I’m retaining candy.

Going viral on YouTube:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Spotted on Discord:

I hate liars, but what I hate more is when they think I’m an idiot and won’t find out the truth.

Shared recently on Instagram:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Making waves on Threads:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Going bananas on Slack:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Trending via Slack:

Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Trending via Facebook:

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just when I thought the bar scene couldn't get any gassier! 🍻💨 #FartenderLife"

bar, comedy, fart, humor, i, joke, me, pun, sarcasm, tonight, work, workplace, workplace humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

0

2 months ago

award, candy, comedy, confession, dentist, deserve, eat, honesty, humor, i, lie, Oscar, telling
Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

0

2 months ago

banana, expression, happiness, humor, monkey, new, smile
Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

0

2 months ago

apology, honesty, humor, i, mean, mean stuff, relationships, right, self-awareness, sorry, stuff
I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

0

2 months ago

amount, cooking, ever, food, humor, i, kitchen, mistakes, pasta, right, think
Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

0

2 months ago

act, better, bring, children, competition, drop, drop off, hate, humor, judgment, just, me, parent, parenting, parents, school
I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

0

2 months ago

degree, humor, i, irony, only, preference, warm, weather

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on YouTube this month:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

39 shares on Discord this month:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Guys with grey in their beards will do that thing you like.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

24 shares on Pinterest this month:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

As a wife and mother my hobbies include rage cleaning, rage cooking, and rage folding.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

The good news is cannon deaths have gone down dramatically in the last hundred years.

Trending via Snapchat:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Trending via Reddit:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Netflix will help you finish spelling the name of the movie you’re looking for, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

Just landed via Threads:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Just landed via Discord:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨