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26 Funny married quotes

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

2 weeks ago

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

1 month ago

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

1 month ago

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

2 months ago

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

3 months ago

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

3 months ago

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast it had to be done by Elvis.

3 months ago

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

3 months ago

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

3 months ago

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

3 months ago

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

3 months ago

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

3 months ago

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

3 months ago

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

3 months ago

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

3 months ago

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

3 months ago

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

3 months ago

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

3 months ago

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

3 months ago

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

3 months ago