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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

They should make a Wikipedia for normal people. I should be able to google my barista.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,814

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Trending via Threads:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Just landed via Threads:

This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The first step to recovery is addiction.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

45 Funny married quotes

Funny married quotes provide a delightful glimpse into the wonderfully chaotic world of matrimony 😂❤️. These witty snippets capture the humorous side of love and commitment, where romance meets reality and everyday quirks become laugh-out-loud moments 🤣💍. Perfect for couples who cherish laughter as much as love, they’re a reminder that the secret to a happy marriage might just be a good sense of humor and the occasional playful banter 😉✨.

New funny married quotes 👇

The best part about being married is having a permanent person to debrief with immediately after any social event.

0

2 weeks ago

after, being, best, communication, debrief, event, having, marriage, married, person, relationship, social, social event, spouse
Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

0

3 weeks ago

affair, cheating, forget, humor, marriage, married, person, ready, relationship, shit, young, young person
There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

0

1 month ago

arrangement, best, dog, dogs, family, five, friend, friends, humor, lifestyle, literally, living, living arrangement, mansion, marriage, married, normalize, rule, start, ten
When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

0

2 months ago

camera, camera zoom, commentary, contact, episode, eye, eye contact, humor, i, marriage, married, office, side, style, The Office, video, video style, want, wedding, wedding video, Zoom
“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

0

2 months ago

boomerism, boss, communication, electric, feels, humor, man, marriage, married, married man, peak, phrase, run, say
Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

0

2 months ago

adventure, choice, country, drug, drugs, foreign, foreign country, goal, guys, humor, kid, kids, life, life choice, main, marriage, married, travel, want, why
Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

0

2 months ago

commitment, getting, going, marriage, married, most, parent, parents, serious, shock, shocked, us
After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

0

2 months ago

able, after, communicate, communication, couple, humor, joke, least, long-term relationship, marriage, married, never, nonverbal, nonverbal communication, pretty, relationship, relationship joke, silence, speak, sure, term, time, why
Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

0

2 months ago

5, after, anniversary, couple, getting, honeymoon, humor, life, long-term, marriage, married, married life, opinion, relationship, right, road, term, unpopular
Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

0

2 months ago

back, color, colour, everyone, favorite, favourite, getting, married, pregnant

For even more funny married quotes, hit next 👇

All funny married quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

58 shares on YouTube this month:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

84 shares on Threads this month:

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

You can make friends in a doctor’s waiting room as long as you have something broken and not something coughing.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Golf would be more exciting to watch if they played naked.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,755

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

The highlight of my weekends is slipping into something more comfortable and putting my feet up.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Wild that we could have been foraging for berries and dying off at 33, but we chose this nonsense instead.

Just shared via YouTube:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

Spotted on Twitch:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Making waves on Telegram:

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Trending via Instagram:

With great power comes a huge electric bill.

Seen just now on Threads:

But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Live now on Snapchat:

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

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