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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

My lips could use some attention today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,833

Funny Quotes Topics

17,014

Funny Quotes Images

14,833

Updated

Dec 9, 2025

Users Online

3,678

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

My signature move is always learning my lessons the hard way.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Making waves on Instagram:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Just landed via Slack:

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

Live now on YouTube:

Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
When you're high and your cat struts in like the CEO of the apartment 😂🐱 "Oh hai, Mr. Whiskers, what's the stock report?!" 📈😹

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

1 month ago

dream, getting, humor, job, paid, relaxation, sleep, work
Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

1 month ago

abduction, adventure, aliens, being, escape, extraterrestrial, humor, i, just, need, relaxation, right, vacation
At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

4 weeks ago

comedy, forgot, gym, headphones, help, humor, i, isolation, listen, own, self-reflection, send, solitude, thoughts, workout
I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

4 weeks ago

compensation, deserve, ever, humor, i, me, pay, percentage, stole, swag, theft
If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

4 weeks ago

ChatGPT, dependency, email, humor, job, maybe, need, technology, workplace
Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

1 month ago

advice, birth, birth control, control, humor, i, inspiration, parenting, relationship

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

“It’s not that deep!” Well, I have a shovel and I enjoy digging for meaning.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Just landed via WeChat:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

Just landed via Threads:

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Shared recently on Threads:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

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Activity Log ✨

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Chuck Norris got shot. The bullet is in critical condition.

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Drugs do not ruin your career. Drug tests do.

My brain is on airplane mode today.

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

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Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

At the gym and I forgot my headphones and now I have to listen to my own thoughts. Send help.

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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