God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a neurosurgeon in the middle of brain surgery.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

“You’re a flirt!” God forbid a girl has good communication skills.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.