Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,563

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Shared recently on Slack:

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

Trending via Twitch:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Seen just now on Threads:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Going viral on Snapchat:

Nudes are played out. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Going viral on Messenger:

Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

Just shared via YouTube:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When Cupid's on vacation, let's hope the lottery isn't! 💘➡️💸 #PlanB"

comedy, God, humor, least, longing, love, me, millionaire, please, prayer, sarcasm, someone, want, wealth, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

0

2 months ago

cry, crying, expense, finance, humor, joke, me, money, onion, opening, sarcasm, wallet
What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

0

1 month ago

age, asking, cook, cooking, friend, humor, learn, pasta, portion, village, whole
Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

0

2 months ago

back, bratwurst, cheese, cholesterol, food, health, humor, joke, just, level, results, test
The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, AI, AI response, being, ChatGPT, conversation, dumb, dumb person, dumbest, humor, know, person, response, right, sarcasm, told
Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

0

2 months ago

dairy, food, heathen, humor, intolerance, lactose, tolerate
Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

0

2 months ago

adults, grow, grow up, humor, irony, maturity, people, sarcasm, seen, stop

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Threads this month:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

21 shares on Slack this month:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m very loyal to whatever brand is on sale.

39 shares on Slack this month:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I’ll see you in your nightmares.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

“November Rain” is just 9 minutes of me realizing I’m too dramatic to date someone with healthy coping skills.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

Spotted on WeChat:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I love to see “pan-fried” on a menu. I hate food that’s fried in a shoe.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

Trending via Instagram:

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

Breaking via Reddit:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Just shared via Twitch:

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Going viral on Pinterest:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Spotted on Twitch:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Just got my test results back and my cholesterol level is a cheese bratwurst.

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Stop telling people to grow up. Have you seen adults?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨