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Commentary:
"Parenting tip: Want to lose weight? Just have kids. You'll skip the gym and burn calories chasing after food scraps and discarded snacks all day! 🏃‍♂️💸🗑️ #ParentingStruggles #FloorFoodies"

dollars, floor, food, great, having, humor, i, kids, little, love, money, parenting, spending, trash, week

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

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2 months ago

disrespect, etiquette, humor, i, irony, sarcasm, sir, title
Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

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2 months ago

40s, aging, exhausted, face, humor, just, self-deprecation, welcome
One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

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2 months ago

act, drunk, even, fool, humor, i, me, need, personality, spontaneity, thing
I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

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2 months ago

apology, french, humor, language, mispronunciation, soiree, wordplay, words
I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

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2 months ago

absurdity, analogy, bed, comparison, dog, funny analogy, gas, gas station, hot, hot dog, human, humor, i, self-deprecating, station, stop, tanning, tanning bed, thinking, version
The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

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2 months ago

anything, ask, attitude, audacity, daily, daily struggle, demand, humor, life, me, motivation, procrastination, sarcasm, sheer, struggle, today

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Slack this month:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

91 shares on YouTube this month:

Whoever named the grapefruit when there was already a fruit named grape. Incompetent legend. I wish we could hang out.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just call me Mother Nature because I can go from hot to cold in a 24-hour period, too.

42 shares on Discord this month:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

28 shares on Instagram this month:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Growing up, there was a Cody in every elementary school class, but as an adult, I haven’t met a Cody in years. Where did they go?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Spotted on X:

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

Breaking via Pinterest:

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

Live now on Instagram:

Fun fact: Did you know that removing junk food from your diet can help you lose up to 90% of your will to live?

Seen just now on Telegram:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My love language is being sent money.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨