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My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess Iโ€™ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

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A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

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Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

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I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

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People text โ€œHappy New Yearโ€ and go missing for the rest of the year!

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I walk around like everythingโ€™s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

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Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

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My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

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I’m running out of people I like.

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I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

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I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

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Oh sure, because nothing lifts the spirits like becoming a blanket burrito and mastering the art of overthinking! ๐ŸŒง๏ธ๐Ÿ›Œ๐Ÿค”



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