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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

What I learned from Covid is that it’s basically possible to do all your work from home while drunk.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Being in a rich person’s house is so stressful. Like, why am I struggling to find the trash?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,341

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Live now on Slack:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Going viral on X:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Shared recently on Facebook:

“Delusional” ain’t a strong enough word to describe people anymore.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

Shared recently on Twitch:

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Going bananas on Discord:

My recliner and I go way back.

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Bananas are the ultimate smoothie divas—always hogging the spotlight and stealing the show! 🍌✨😆"

banana, bananas, dim, fruit, fun, humor, i, joke, just, light, love, metaphor, never, over, playful, smoothie, take, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

0

2 months ago

actually, contact, contact lens, contacts, eyesight, free, glasses, joke, lens, seeing, surprise, vision, wait
According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

0

2 months ago

ex, exactly, humor, question, relationship, self-reflection, wrong
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

0

2 months ago

alphabetically, classroom, everyone, funny instruction, height, humor, instruction, irony, line, line up, organization, right
If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

0

2 months ago

calm, calm down, complain, driving, hood, humor, least, road, safety, sarcasm, want
Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

0

3 months ago

activity, busy, club, degree, doing, engaged, everyone, Japan, master’s degree, Masters, run, run club, travel
I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

0

2 months ago

activity, before, coworkers, fun, fun activity, hand, hand stamper, home, humor, i, night, own, prank, stamper, think, workplace, workplace humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

31 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

41 shares on X this month:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

Spotted on Snapchat:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Making waves on Telegram:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Just landed via TikTok:

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Your call is very important to us, here’s six days of irritating music.

Shared recently on Slack:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Going viral on Twitch:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Breaking via Messenger:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨