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I wish I could just drop my body off at the gym and pick it up later.

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Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

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Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

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Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

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There’s a guy who thinks he’s going to Yale, but it’s jail.

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My toxic trait is optimism.

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The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

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I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

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Considering a night out with friends? Let me just pull out the spreadsheet and punch some numbers first πŸ˜‚πŸ“ŠπŸ€”



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