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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

What age will I grow out of not answering the door when I’m home and sneaking around the house to find out who’s knocking?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breath out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Is losing your mind a hobby?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I didn’t mean to mimic your voice, I just had to know what it felt like to sound like that.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,605

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

“Hope this email finds you doing well!” The email found me, therefore I am unwell.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Spotted on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s. You now pay for 7 streaming services, only use 4 and can’t remember the password to any of them.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Just shared via Threads:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Trending via Discord:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Just landed via Slack:

I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

Just shared via X:

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

2 months ago

0

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like someone took the doctor's advice quite literally! 🍬👩‍⚕️ Moving sugar to a lower shelf counts as reducing sugar intake, right? Sometimes you just gotta take matters into your own hands…or pantry shelves! 😄 #SweetSolutions

came, doctor, health, high, home, humor, i, joke, me, medical, moved, shelf, sugar, today, too, visit, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

0

2 months ago

creativity, day, gift, humor, husband, i, present, relationship, shirt, thought, twice, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day
If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

0

2 months ago

communication, forest, gender, gender roles, hear, humor, joke, man, marriage, perception, relationship, roles, still, wife, wrong
I’ve finally found a book that speaks to me. I believe it’s called an “audiobook”.

0

2 months ago

audiobook, believe, book, entertainment, found, humor, i, listening, literature, me, reading, self-discovery
How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

0

2 months ago

actually, adult, adult content, age, content, found, humor, innocence, love, old, people, porn, realization, relationship
As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

0

5 months ago

age, aging, amazing, bird-watching, birdwatching, creeps, fast, hobby, humor, nature, older, older age, pastime, surprise
Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

0

2 months ago

communication, digital, humor, i, impulsive, media, messaging, press, psycho, reaction, read, send, social, social media, sometimes, text, think

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

79 shares on Twitch this month:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

48 shares on TikTok this month:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

31 shares on Messenger this month:

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

37 shares on TikTok this month:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Adulthood is wild. One day I’m transferring money to my savings account, and three days later, I’m transferring it out to save myself.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve already picked out my sweatpants for New Year’s Eve.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I love having plans to cancel.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,691

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Spotted on Facebook:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Trending via Telegram:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Good luck to everyone out there trying to gather enough energy to function this week.

Seen just now on Facebook:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Freshly posted on X:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Making waves on LinkedIn:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Spotted on Slack:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Just shared via Messenger:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Going viral on X:

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

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