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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,758

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Trending via Facebook:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I also want them to get lice.

Making waves on Threads:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Making waves on YouTube:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'll save my zombie friend for brunch! 🧟‍♂️🥯😄

anyone, choice, conversation, dead, dinner, event, humor, i, ID, joke, living, pick, social, social event

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

1 month ago
communication, humor, ignore, let, me, reiterate, repetition, sarcasm, second, sentence, start, time, too
I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

1 month ago
confusion, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, kitchen, life, people, plastic, plastic wrap, struggle, wrap
Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

1 month ago
fat, food, making, me, stop
Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

1 month ago
activity, advice, ask, doctor, eat, fun, fun activity, God, greek, Greek god, health, health advice, humor, imagination, oranges, planets, pretend, right
Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

1 month ago
food, humor, joke, just, laugh, me, photo, salad, stock, stock photo, women
Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

1 month ago
anger, differences, generational, generational differences, humor, mad, old, old person, people, person, tired, young

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Going viral on Reddit:

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Seen just now on X:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

Making waves on Discord:

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

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Activity Log ✨

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

A gentleman opens doors and brings flowers. A man smacks your ass and pulls your hair. A soulmate does both.

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Bro, did you really just mix up e.g. and i.e. in front of the hoes?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

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If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Ask your doctor if it’s right for you to eat oranges and pretend they’re planets and you’re a Greek god.

Just had a salad but it didn’t make me laugh like women in stock photos.

Old people get so mad when you’re young and tired.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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