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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

No more ragebaiting around me, please. Let’s try joybaiting, perhaps even lovebaiting.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Time needs a speed limit.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

242 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,511

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,511

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,261

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Seen just now on Twitch:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

Just shared via X:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

Making waves on WeChat:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Spotted on Telegram:

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Just shared via Twitch:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
After a 6-hour research session, we're officially qualified judges… of absolutely nothing! 👩‍⚖️🤷‍♀️🕵️‍♂️

6, after, best, best friend, conversation, friend, friendship, gossip, hours, humor, irony, judge, judgment, me, saying, spending

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

0

2 months ago

back, cleverness, confidence, everywhere, humor, i, identity, secret, shirt, staff, success, wear, workplace
I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, aging process, avocado, comparison, feel, fine, food, hoping, humor, i, process, self-deprecation, sort, wine
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

0

2 months ago

20, actor, comedy, fitness, gain, hate, i, irony, pounds, realize, role
Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

0

1 week ago

anyone, board, board game, encyclopedia, game, game night, night, nostalgia, old fashioned, play, pursuit, retire, retired, retired game, trivia, trivial, Trivial Pursuit
Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

0

2 months ago

culinary, eat, eating, food, great, humor, joke, salt, seaweed, slime, texture, want, wish
…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

0

2 months ago

another, aspiration, disappointment, finance, humor, humor quote, irony, me, money, rich, sarcasm, unexpectedly, wealth, week, weekly

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on WeChat this month:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

100 shares on Telegram this month:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

73 shares on Threads this month:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

Not to brag but I am evidence of things unseen.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Why do men stay in the car for minutes after arriving home?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Hey (with the intention of getting ice cream).

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

Trending via WeChat:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

Breaking via Instagram:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Breaking via Slack:

Getting old would be so fun if you didn’t wake up each morning with neck pain that suggests you slept hanging upside down like a bat.

Making waves on Discord:

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

Going viral on Reddit:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me and my best friend saying, “Hey, who are we to judge,” after spending 6 hours gossiping.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨