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Commentary:
"Another day, another episode of 'Adventures in Waking Up Too Early.' 🌞😴 One must learn to embrace the morning chaos with a touch of humor and copious amounts of coffee! ☕️😅 #MorningStruggles"

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I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

1 month ago
communication, dog, human, humans, humor, i, idiot, looks, me, pet, relationship, talk
“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

1 month ago
awkwardness, black, black sheep, contact, denial, everyone, eye, eye contact, family, humor, i, relationships, say, sheep
The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

1 month ago
apple, bible, eating, escalate, humor, irony, murder, religion, second, sin, storytelling
McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

1 month ago
chicken, chicken nugget, chicken nuggets, comedy, disappointment, exaggeration, fast, fast food, food, giving, humor, McDonald’s, me, nugget, nuggets, only, origin, origin story, story, villain
Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

1 month ago
boredom, cell, cell phone, daily, daily life, experience, funny experience, humor, life, observation, phone, tiles, today, toilet
There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

1 month ago
awkward, awkward situation, bar, disgusting, humor, interaction, over, pervert, pornography, shoulder, situation, social, social interaction, watching

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”

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When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

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Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

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It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

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Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I’m not always a couch potato. For instance, right now I’m a chair potato, and later I’ll be a bed potato.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Mashed potatoes are just German guacamole.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Spotted on Threads:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Seen just now on Discord:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Seen just now on X:

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn’t work out.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

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Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

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Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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