Please text me back. I’m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Not to brag or anything, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Stretching isn’t enough, I need to be able to disassemble my body like legos.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I’m not like the other girls. I’m a 37 year old man.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.