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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

I like to notice patterns and do nothing about it.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,593

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Cutting my steak at Texas Roadhouse with my car keys.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Going viral on YouTube:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Going viral on Reddit:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Breaking via Twitch:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Making waves on Snapchat:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.
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Commentary:
A man posting relationship pics? That's like spotting a unicorn in the wild! 🦄📸

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on TikTok this month:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

100 shares on Twitch this month:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

When you’re talking to someone and you can tell they’re trying out a new word.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Sex in the snow is wintercourse.

25 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

61 shares on Slack this month:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

98 shares on X this month:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

87 shares on Messenger this month:

I totally get why Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to save the environment for future generations. They could be his girlfriend.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Your ex is ruining someone else’s life now. You are safe.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,393

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Trending via Slack:

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“Thank you for choosing Amtrak.” No problem. There are no other trains.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Making waves on Threads:

We live in a cosmic tornado, but sure, let’s all get jobs.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Social media can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Spotted on Facebook:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Freshly posted on X:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

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